getting used to sleeping next to your partner

the sleep summary

Getting used to sharing a bed can be difficult, but with open communication and potentially some compromise, you can find a solution that works for both of you. Try to find sleeping aids if snoring is a problem, look at separating into different rooms through the modern concept of sleep divorce, or find a position that works for you both.

In the realm of relationships, there's a poignant transition that often goes unspoken—the moment when you find yourself sharing a bed with your significant other. The movies paint a picture of bedtime bliss; with romantic cuddles and shared dreams, but the reality of adjusting to a new sleeping arrangement can be far from picture perfect.

Whether you're having difficulty sleeping next to your partner or you need help getting used to sharing a bed, join us as we delve into the world of mutually comfortable mattresses, tangled limbs, and the delicate balance of sleeping next to your partner and still liking them the next day. Get ready to explore the ups and downs, the challenges, and the joys that come with merging bedtime routines and finding your perfect rhythm in the realm of shared slumber.

what are common challenges when sleeping next to someone else?

There are several challenges a couple may face when sleeping next to somebody, whether new or routined. Here’s some of the most common:

• Snoring

• Overheating

• Incompatibility in closeness

• Sleeping schedules

• Differences in sleep positions

• Other sleep habits

how long does it take to get accustomed to a partner's sleeping habits?

Sometimes you may never get past certain sleeping habits from your other half due to how disruptive they are, but generally, you’ll settle in after a few days to a few weeks, or up to two months to fully adjust to the newness.

how to sleep when partner is snoring

We feel for you. You’re exhausted, you’re looking forward to getting cosy and hoping you’ll conk out as soon as your head hits the pillow. But your other half has other ideas. Their snoring either prevents you from sleeping or wakes you in the night – frustrating indeed.

An initial game changer if your partners snoring and you can’t sleep would be to invest in earplugs to create a buffer against the rage inducing sound of snoring. Swimmers’ earplugs are highly effective at blocking out noise as they’re designed to prevent water getting into the ears, so they really work.

You can then encourage your partner to also look at ways to reduce their snoring, so you can focus on getting a quality night’s rest. If your other half needs more serious intervention, such as surgery, you might want to consider a period of, dare we say it, sleep divorce…

is it healthy to sleep next to your partner?

Sleeping next to your partner can have both positive and negative effects, and whether it's considered healthy depends on various factors.

pros of sharing a bed

Emotional connection: Sleeping next to someone you love can strengthen emotional intimacy and bonding between partners

Regularity: It provides a consistent routine, fostering a sense of security and stability

Thermoregulation: Sleeping next to someone can provide warmth, which may be comforting, especially during colder nights. However, for women experiencing poor sleep during the different stages of the menopause, this extra heat can be a sleep blocker

Physical contact: Cuddling or physical contact releases oxytocin, the "love hormone," which can promote feelings of closeness and well-being

If both partners have similar sleep patterns and preferences, sharing a bed may positively impact sleep quality.

cons of sharing a bed

Disturbances: As we’ve touched on already, factors such as snoring, restlessness, or differing sleep schedules can negatively affect sleep quality

Space: Some individuals may require more personal space, and sharing a bed can be challenging if one partner takes up more than their fair share of space

Cover hogging: Self-preservation at its finest; you wake to find your other half shrouded in a mountainous offering of duvet whilst you’ve got goosebumps. If this is something that affects you, we have a simple solution for you. Invest in two single duvets and cover them with matching bed linen.

sleeping positions with partner

Finding comfortable sleeping positions with a partner is another challenge the both of you will need to tackle together. However, which you choose will depend on how much contact you want with your other half. Here are some of our recommendations:

• Back-to-back

This position requires you to face away from each other but slightly touch for a sense of comfort, temperature regulation and independence, while remaining connected.

• Spooning

This refers to one partner behind the other, and homes in on that closeness and warmth element, but could restrict movement and lead to overheating.

• Head on chest/shoulder

One of you rests on the other to bond before you got to sleep as you may eventually become numb or feel uncomfortable because you’re unable to reposition.

• Face-to-face

An emotionally intimate position that doesn’t require you to touch if you don’t want to. However, it can be less practical during long sleeps as it may be hard to move around.

what are strategies for dealing with different sleep schedules as a couple?

If you both have different sleep schedules, there needs to be some compromise, the same way there will be with most things now that you live together or have started spending more time together. You should optimise your sleep set-up by making it more comfortable through pillows that work for you individually, and a mattress that’s suited to both your sleeping styles, weight and so on. Find out more about the best mattress for couples in our article.

What’s more, try making entering and leaving bed as low impact as possible, and control any light or noise when doing so if you’re on two very different schedules day-to-day.

do couples sleep better together or apart?

There have been countless studies and trials to figure out whether couples sleep better together, but ultimately, there is no universally ‘better’ way for couples to sleep. It's about finding what suits you both. Some couples thrive on the togetherness of sleeping side by side, while others discover that a degree of separation in bed leads to improved sleep quality. The key is understanding each other's needs, communicating openly, and being willing to adapt to create a sleep environment that supports the well-being of both of you.

why do I sleep better with my partner?

Usually, the reason you tend to sleep better with a partner is down to that intimacy you feel in their presence. You’ll likely feel safe, which reduces stress and feelings of uneasiness, therefore helping you to fall and stay asleep. Also, you’ll naturally release the bonding hormone of oxytocin.

why do I sleep worse with my partner?

If you really struggle to sleep next to your other half but you don’t want to lose those precious moments where you lie down and chat undistracted or engage in intimacy, why not come up with a routine that gives you time together in bed each night? Set aside an hour or so before you fall asleep and ensure you spend this time in bed together connecting with one another before going into a separate bedroom for a perfectly undisturbed evening of sleep.

Finding that sweet spot for sleeping as a couple isn’t always easy as every person is unique, and what works for one member of the relationship may not work for another. Open communication, understanding each other's needs, and, if necessary, exploring compromises or alternative sleeping arrangements can contribute to a healthy and satisfying sleep routine within a relationship.

If you found this article helpful, don’t forget to check out our advice on what is the best sleeping position for you?.